You were onto me. You were into me.
You put me to sleep and woke me up with reassurances. You knew; you always did somehow. You knew how the inner summations of my mind worked, you knew what the seamless transitions into eccentricity meant, you knew what anger spewed words spelt out, you knew what I felt as my eyes brimmed with tears, you knew my every move. You knew what I meant even when I didn’t. You knew what damage and suffering I had gone through without my admittances. You could see onto my soul; almost grasp at the dwindling tatters and bring me out whole. You could read my eyes like no one could; noticing the shine when I was ecstatic or the dull ache when I felt redundant, hell even the panic when I felt detached. You cajoled me to health when I was sick; panicked at the mere thought of losing me. I was complicated; a mystery inside a puzzle, but you solved me simple and plain. You knew all the signs; the creases on my forehead, the scrunching of my eyes, the closing of my mouth. I was difficult but you made it all easy. You were onto me. You stayed.
I was blue. You were red. I was sadness and you were escalation. You were my high and I was your low. You were warmth and I was the unforgiving cold. You were the radiating sun and I, the impalpable moon. You made me understand but I failed to give in. So I gave you up. But you never let me. I was the lone wolf who was terrified of losing the Alpha. I whined but you never belittled me. You were onto me. You stayed.
You painted me lilac; a waning magenta.
But then, something changed in you.
You were the rawest of the chill. I, being Baby Blue, who melted at your touch but it, left me frozen. I romanticized while you churned chasms of realness at me. It was all paper and I was substance. It was all definitive and I was abstract. It was all literal and I was figurative. It was all oh so clear but I was lost amidst vagueness.
Something’s changed in you. The drags don’t bring you elation; the high makes me dizzy. It’s all lost now isn’t it? The 3 am conversations, the furtive glances, the afternoon waits, the feeling of content..It all faded away. It’s a pattern they say. People come, influence your life, get bored and then people leave. I was used to it. But why was I certain that you’d be the only one to stay?
I could see something shift in you. I tried to hold on but you gave me up. You painted me a midnight blue while you simmered to a gray. I gave up my pride, my vanity and my ego; saw it self-destruct into the putrid dust as I recollected my broken fragments. I plead for the ache too grave to swallow. Stay.
© Rushna Imdad. Published October 11, 2016. All rights reserved.